Social Media Buttons

Description

WRITER, CONSULTANT AND BROADCASTER SPECIALISING IN BEER, PUBS AND CIDER. BEER WRITER OF THE YEAR 2009 AND 2012

What's new?

What's new?
New beer and music events added for Brighton - click here to book.
The possible rebirth of the British hop industry? My latest Publican's Morning Advertiser column
The 2014 Cask Report is out now. Click here to download.
>

Friday, 27 July 2007

Pete's Pub Etiquette - the first of an occasional series

Hello, pub-goers!

We all know that one of the most difficult aspects of going to the pub is toilet etiquette. It can be stressful for straight men, because as we know, gay men sometimes go to the toilet too, and any straight man knows that if he is in the toilet with a gay man, the gay man is sure to find him irresistably attractive and make inappropriate advances towards him. This means that not only do straight guys need to be on the lookout for gay men lurking in pub toilets, they also need to do absolutely everything possible to ensure they don't send out any signals whatsoever that they thenselves might be a bit gay.

This has given us the elaborate urinal ritual - so delicately coded that often, when you try to explain it to women they refuse to believe it. But hey, it makes going to the toilet more interesting! But where do you draw a line in your attempts to prove your assertive, hetero masculinity?

Here's a couple of thoughts.

Say I don't know you, but we're in the same pub and we go to the toilet at the same time. You're just in front of me, and you've clocked me and are aware that I'm a few paces behind you.

If you were to hold the toilet door open for me as you walk through, instead of allowing it to swing shut in my face, I promise this won't make me worry that you're inviting me inside for some hot bum sex. Instead, it'll just make me think you have manners and aren't some sort of twat.

Why not try it next time?

And on a similar vein - washing your hands after you've been to the toilet wouldn't make you look less manly. This message goes out with particular urgency if the reason you were in the pub toilet in the first place is that you're currently on duty behind the fucking bar.

Until next time!

2 comments:

BLTP said...

Is this wrong place to suggest, to bar owners (Digress in Soho for example) that toilets in clubs are grim enough already without having some guy clogging up the space, dispensing towels, aftershave and in this case chuffing Chupa Chups! I just find it embarrassing and try avoid the whole thing. What is the right tip for being handed a towel? I can turn a tap on myself thank you. Just stop it now it's degrading for all concerned.

Anonymous said...

Yes it is, but thats never stopped you before...
G.